is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
