Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize