i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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