hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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