Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
