I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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