from now on my penis is your penis
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
