I don't think brook has ever known best
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't deserve a penis
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
