The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
