mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize