spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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