i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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