I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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