i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize