You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
