how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
