last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
