my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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