Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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