thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
