Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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