If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
