That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
