Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
