I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
