There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
