even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
