you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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