Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
operation harelip BJ is a go
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
