hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
