It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
