We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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