How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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