It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
