Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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