the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
