If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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