i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He passed out mid-signature
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
