3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
