Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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