oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish my penis had an off switch
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
