hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
