He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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