I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
