last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
