roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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