I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
