If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she told me i tasted like america
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
