its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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