But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
false alarm. still invincible.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
