BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's shark week go big or go home
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
