I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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