She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
