His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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