As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The power of my boobs compel you
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
