you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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