I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize