true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
