They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
