She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
