I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
