This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
