She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize