No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
