i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
