You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
