dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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