Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
