Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
