You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
