Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
