i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
