All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
