There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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