Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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