She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
