I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
