is your mom at the bar?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
