your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just google imaged poop.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
