We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
