trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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