well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
