So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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