mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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