it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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