we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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