I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
