guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
