Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
