We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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