i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
