in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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