Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
