T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
