awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize