i can't believe i had my finger in that
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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