listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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