i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
