you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
