would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
