He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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