You really coming over, don't trick.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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