she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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