OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
