I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
