I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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