Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
