Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
