he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
