Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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