Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
