my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
